Cureless - blog, works and personal site of Yoru

Remember when I mentioned about an officemate whom I dragged from his seat when I saw him watching porn at my back? And I don't think I ever mentioned hitting my classmate's head with a book back in high school. Those and other bottle flinging incidents at home can attest my need to take lessons about how to curb my anger. I could either be violent and spit my anger through words or I'll just cry. I have written quite a few entries on throwing my madness at the world.

Although related to what I mentioned above, you won't hear me cursing in this entry. I must admit, I'm really close to doing it when I saw Ms. Beng Hafner's entry on how somebody accused her of stealing.

My initial reaction of course was WTF, what a senseless garb. I've had my reactions when I caught a rip-off who re-created my WordPress theme and submitted it to the ThemeViewer as his own. I presented glaring evidences and so I was able to convince the then moderator to remove the aforementioned ripper's entry.

But what if the events turned upside down and somebody accused me otherwise like what happened to Beng. If it weren't true, how would you not succumb to anger when explaining to the accuser of his or her mistake?

I wasn't the one directly affected when Beng's accuser attacked her through e-mail and so I guess my plead to the accuser (a comment in Beng's entry) was toned down in a way that it wouldn't give her a reason to tell that I'm throwing unreasonable words at her. But if I were the one directly attacked, I'm not sure if I could calm myself and explain to her, without a hint of negativity and sarcasm.

In this light, I could see some of the bloggers' reaction regarding the Malu Fernandez issue similar to what I might have felt, only in varying degrees. While some people have been rational in explaining how to tackle the issue, others where emotionally blinded and enraged, thus aroused the name-callings and cursing, especially when the said persona delivered her not-so-apologetic-sounding response (the first one).

You know, I never detached myself from the issue when it came out. To tell the truth, my family is being subsidized by OFW sweat, blood and tears for almost 15 years now. Malu's kind of humor could have also enraged me. It just so happened that Malu didn't hit my boiling point, (I don't care about what she thinks of people like my Dad, Mom or Aunt. They have a life of their own to mind.)

My only disappointment lies in the fact that her ranting was printed on a national paper that seems to be unaffected by the ruckus surrounding its writer. (Irresponsible journalism, what and what not to write, that's another story.) And so I only chose to blog about this when the whole issue about Malu Fernandez has cooled down.

Going back to anger management issues, I think it's really important that we take several deep breaths first, and then later on, analyze and understand the circumstances behind every reaction.

I cannot blame Beng's accuser for her insulting words. Hers is just be a heightened version of my reaction to anyone who rips off my work. I cannot blame Beng for her angry retort either. How exactly could you make someone understand the other possibility, which is the truth? I cannot blame some of the bloggers (and comments) for venting out their emotions while getting back at Malu. I've been through those when people I care about are being insulted and attacked.

If people have varying degrees of skills and intellect, they're also different in the way they perceive and process information, in exhibiting emotions and in understanding. However, I believe in a condensing point where everyone can settle their differences, IF they are willing to lessen damage brought by the conflict.

Sometimes when I get upset at someone, all I need is to digest the fact the we're different, to keep me sane. Also, I've learned my lessons from the past. I absolutely regret that I've hurt those people because of needless emotional outburst. I have never intended to inflict harm on anyone. At least, I'm thankful that they accepted my apology when I realized I got mentally deranged because of anger for a while.