Cureless

If words could make ears bleed, ours must be profusely bleeding since the other night. It was a case of miscommunication, perhaps, but definitely not power-tripping. But we totally deserve it. Several seniors have already pointed out how we’ve been relaxing and slacking off with our work, which is not only bound by the corners of our office. I wasn’t the one struck the most by the accusations. However, I still carry the burden of being a lousy and apathetic senior, which is my choice and therefore, true in most cases.

I was once a junior

Two years ago, I was the lowest mammal in the barracks-next-door but I don’t think I was ever made to explain because of tardiness or absenteeism. Thanks to my previous seniors, who have always reminded me about how the most junior should act. For instance, in a double-deck bunk, the junior should never attempt to sit or lay a toe on the lower bunk owned by the senior.

When going up the upper bank, I use a stool or a chair. I go down by doing my Airborne jump. I’ve grown to my senior’s complain about my “restlessness” and my solitary, face-the-wall attitude. But it never occurred that an issue about me reached an upper command, say an officer.

When I became a senior

I’ve been living for almost a year now with a different set of people. At least eight of them are my juniors, although I’m only older than two of them. When my senior left as part of a UN contingent to Liberia, she reminded everyone not to forget my seniority despite our small age differences. As if the world turned upside-down for me. I was once the junior among seniors, and now, I’m the opposite.

Despite the strict (female) military traditions I was taught and made to experience, I chose not to exercise my responsibility as a senior like inspecting the tiniest detail in every possible way about the way they act. (Did I tell you that my seniors even used to notice how I wash my undies and comment how “unclean” they were.) I mean, most of them are even older than me. For sure, they must know better how to deal with themselves and the others.

Little did I know that when the its leash loosens, the dog knows about it and so it flees. And so it did seem to happen to some of them.

When civilians become military, their “bad habits” may have been conjured out of their system. But not for long. Soon enough, they return and manifest slowly on the militarized civis, unless they were surrounded with seniors who voluntarily and properly exercise their responsibility, which didn’t happen on our case.

My Fault

I am guilty. The truth is I never liked how my previous seniors brought out my mistakes to myself. Only a few of them spoke to me frankly about what I need to improve on myself. The rest went telling the whole world first, before I even realized they were already talking about me. I didn’t want my juniors to experience those. Having a pleasant and harmonious relationship with people is the least I could hope for in my stay with the organization. Thus, I always see to it that tolerance is exercise whenever issues arise. I never wanted to hear them holding gripes against me or their classmates.

Another mistake I have committed is that I assumed that “common sense” will work for them as it worked for me. In instances when there are things that needed to be done, I hoped that they’ll be sensitive enough to act or help out or even shut up. In the end, I have expected from them what I did from myself. And obviously, it didn’t work.

The consequence

Yesterday, some seniors from the personnel management office came and it looks like they’re planning to transfer us to a bigger and more centralized barracks. (I will be exempted since I’m already leaving.) That’s another story but it has actually some relevance to the whole issue on discipline. So aside from the verbal cautions we received from a few in our unit, there were again these people, so willingly happy to make our ears bleed more.

The girls haven’t been talking much with our officer (who’s our close friend) because of what happened. At one time, she even wished that we get accommodated somewhere else so they won’t experience any more headaches and eyesores. Thus, the whole point of considering her as the path to “salvation” will be useless.

The proposition isn’t final yet since our commander shall be the one to decide. Regardless of my juniors pleads against moving out, I’m actually in favor of it. Perhaps, I wanted them to atone for the civis lifestyle they have lived (which I tolerated, partly) and let them to get used to (the senior’s view of) “real” military way of living. With they way the events have piled up, I think it’s just about time to trim the wild grasses.