It wasn't a good day to start off. It didn't start right. Normally, either lola or michi would prepare a breakfast for me before sunrise on Saturdays. But I found only a cupful of lukewarm water at the thermos. With a stomach barely filled with lukewarm milk, I headed off to the FX station. Our dog, Moochie followed me because I forgot to bar the gate. I was already pissed off and I've got no time to bring the dog back home so I used my bag to shoo him away. Much to my annoyance, the stupid dog didn't follow.
If anger could only show in real life like those seen in cartoons, I'd probably be like a red-faced, hotheaded bull, shooting hot gas out my nose and ready to strike anyone with my horns. So much anger has filled me that I didn't already care if Moochie gets hit by a car or what. I was aware of that anger and all I could do was to slam hard the door of the FX as I entered, which was hardly conspicuous because people normally "bang" doors at different levels.
While riding the FX to Ateneo, I was slowly deciphering the reasons and the possible consequences of such temper, which was probably the most intense one I've ever felt in my entire life.
Too much negative aura absorbed.
Lately, I've been playing diplomat between relatives who are quarrelling over debts and money matters. Every time they approach me to talk about something they should have said to the other party, my self-imposed rule was to hear whatever they�re saying. Just hear and do not listen.
It seemed like I've broken my own set of rules. One moment and I was sympathizing over what this relative is saying, the other moment I was nodding to what the other relative is saying. Aside from the negative energy they've been passing on me, it seemed like they ruined my emotional and psychological balance. That was the first time indeed I heard them dispute like hell over money. Imagine, that isn't just a relative-to-relative dispute. It involves a mother and her child (and grandchild).
The experience only intensified my qualms about having a family of my own. When I thought that my maternal family is close to perfect, it began to reveal its negative side. (I'll probably talk about this some other time.)
Sigh...*
And about the "possible consequences" I could have done with my temper, well, I do actually resort to violence. I hit my dog with the bag and slammed the car door, and probably done worse than that if I didn't care to be aware of what I was feeling.
Sigh...*
Poor dog and lola (who then had a hard time bringing the dog home).
