Cureless

We had our org GA yesterday. The website was launched and the first issue of the mini-mag was distributed. Praises here. Praises there. It feels good whenever people acknowledge you for your work, especially when it’s invested with your own sweat. I swear I like this feeling. The feeling that you’re needed, that people expect something from you, that without you, what is there wouldn’t possibly be the same thing. The better thing is that you’ve got that something they needed. This is probably one reason why I quit CE. I simply don’t feel anything like that.

I’m liking this feeling of being solitary again. There’s a deeper sense of happiness within me. Whenever I ride the bus from Ortigas to Cubao, or whenever I stroll down the basement floor of Megamall, seeing Filbar’s, Comic Quest and Comic Alley almost everyday (just imagine what I feel) and whenever I take the jeepney ride going home, I can’t help smiling to and by myself. This is so different when I’ve got company. I do cherish my moments with them but the “joy” I felt during those times settles into something superficial and ephemeral. There’s always this doubt whether it would last or not. Perhaps, this is the time when I bring myself closer to God.

I really do feel it. One morning while taking the shower, I finally realized (or admitted) that I’m in love with Him. He was like talking to me, “Come on, admit it, what hurts you is the concealment of your feelings for me. Perhaps you’re afraid or embarassed of talking about this matter to other people but that’s what pains you.” So now, I admit it.

To quote the article written in the mag, “perhaps the reason why you joined ACIL is that you want to fall in love… and it so happened that you fell in love… with Christ“.

My Moochie is infested with ticks and lice (I’m confused about these two PESTS but I’m definite they’re not fleas). So my theory is correct — Mekon is the source. I just saw her foot this afternoon after I got home and (you wouln’t want to imagine this) lice and ticks are swarming between her toes! Like SHIT! I felt goosebumps all over my body. She didn’t have those before. Maybe she acquired it during her mating period. (When after that, we thought she was pregnant.)