Am I a brat? Or I’m just not aware of the cruelty a person has to endure to live in this world. Why did I cry? Sympathy for a creature or just plain angst for being violated? Was it violation or unacceptance? I can’t explain.
I have the reasons to keep pets. From my childhood, I didn’t experience being with real brothers and sisters. The cats and the dogs had been my constant companions. I dunno why people can’t understand the reason behind the joy given by having these creatures around.
In my culture, pets are kept to at least be in charge of the leftover food of their master. I remember my grandma stating that during those times we didn’t have dogs and cats. But it’s different for me. I liked pets because I simply want to be around with them. I have a tendency to be compulsive towards having cute creatures that’s why there’s a doubt on whether I act due to plain whim. Or is it genuine concern?
Mom: *irritated* Feed the kittens outside. Don’t let ‘em in.
Me: *irritated too* Why?
Mom: ‘Cause they’re dirty. If you pity them, the best we can do is feed them.
Me: You should’ve just killed them.
Mom: Don’t talk to me like that!
Me: What’s wrong with them? They’re not dirty!
Mom: Their fur can cause ashtma.
Me: Huh?
Mom: Your sister has ashtma.
Me: She’s sickly.
(I proceed outside to pick up the kittens and place them in my room. Then I cried.)
I couldn’t say I really pitied the cats. It was more of the feeling of being provoked. I felt defeated since there’s a greater authority above me. I was thinking, PUTANG INA! (Puta=slut/bitch Ina=mother) and I was thinking of all sort of those scientific explanations on my mom’s behavior. Maybe she had a terrible childhood, she was bit by a dog, etc. etc. I can’t talk to her ’cause I know I can’t handle the situation. I tried to keep my sobbing silent.
Did I feel better after crying and thinking about rational explanations on what caused that? I think so. But I still feel like a brat. More so, a naive brat who doesn’t get what she wants.